Devil
19 years on earth.
18 is the number
Loves tattoos and body arts
Loves sintua and lion/dragon dance
Coming out soon in May 2010

MOST LOVED
JiaLi

MEI
XiaoBaby

SISTERS & BROTHERS
Charles
Ken
YiLing

FRIENDS
Sofia
XiaoRiel
Amy
Jane


layout: * etoile filante
colours: mintyapple
icons: cablelines
background: materialisti-c

Changed your blogskin as your last blogskin have error already.
Though didnt tag or update your blog,
that doesnt mean I didnt click on your bloglink.
Evidence: Every spamming, Im the first to notice.

Saying I forgotten your birthday.
Okay.
Nevermind.
If you think it that way, then so be it.
Speechless.

Regarding about writing letters to you.
I wrote 3 letters without getting back any.
Your letter that you wrote to amy saying that if you can keep on writing to me,
why I couldnt?
Would you ever write to someone who never reply to you at all?
To me, I feelt that if that person didnt reply, means maybe I wrote the wrong addesss.
So I stop.
Okay.
I dont wish to explain anything to you.
Forget it.

I have done my best to keep your blog from dying.
Approving every single comments and request in friendster,
and taking care of your gan meis as well.
I did my part.

I will continue to do my part till the day you are out.
Takecare.

Been a long time since I enter this blog..
Things have been going topsy turvey..
Ups and downs exactly like a roller coaster..
Is this what you have predicted before you went in?
Reminiscing what you told me before you went in,
you allowed me to go drink, club, do whatever shit I want.
But when you are out, I must be ready to stable to be with you.
I dont know how..
Really..

Time passes so fast.
In a blink of eyes, you are in there for four months plus.
Everytime I headed down bugis,
I will remember every silly things you did,
or rather, things I forced you to do..
Everytime I headed bugis to shop, I remember you and your yew keng..
Everytime I shed tears, I wish you are here.
So much things I wanted to tell you.
Even at those point of time, I shedded tears for another guy, you are still there for me.
You learned the lesson of loving someone doesnt mean she have to be yours.
Yet I am still struggling..

6 more months.
I am still considering..
whether you will really change your temper..
your attitude..
your every single paikia mindset..

Not visiting you,
I have my own reasons.
I couldnt face you, crying infront of you, making you so pek cek and worried.
Cos you will be worried about me, as you couldnt do anything but looking at me crying.
I dont want.
Wrote letters to you.
Dont know whether you are still fighting in there.
I hate it.

I tried to let you go..
But realising that your words of comfort never fail to rewind in my mind..
Have a chat with Baby,
I realise, good guy like you, can definitely find a better one.
Am I really a good choice.
I dont even think so..
I ponder if I were to give you a chance again, will you really choose me again.

Loads of things happen.
People going in again..
Downright depress..
Baby's problems..
Timo's court..
Your brothers kept being called up to headquarter or cantonment.
Remember I told you my planning of my birthday is to celebrate at Oasis?
I think, I can cancel it.
No point, the closest brothers either passed away,
or went in..
Whats the point of celebrating when those I really want them to be my side arent going to be there anymore.

Dont know why everytime I blogged at your blog,
I never fail to shed tears.
Exactly like when you are with me, I can cry infront of you so easily.
I dont have to put on a brave front at all.
Sighs..
I wish you can read all these right now.
But I doubt so, and if can,
it should be after 6 months..

Bi..
Today is the 26th of August.
I skipped meeting you yesterday again.
I bet you must be feeling insecure and upset.
You must be wondering what happen to me.
You must be thinking whether did I choose him and decided to leave you forever.
But you are wrong

I didnt choose him,
I didnt want to leave you forever.
I regretted once choosing him again and again and hurting you umpteen times.
If I were to see through his true colours,
I definitely wont make such a wrong choice.
I should have see through that he is a fcuker like what you guys told me all along.
Maybe thats the reason why I dont know how am I going to face you.
I know what will you be asking me when you see me.
And I know that the answer I am going to tell you, will tear apart my unrecovered wounds again.

Bi..
I am having fever, cough, sore throat, gastric.
you arent here just like last time you did.
I felt so giddy last night and all I can do was to replay the recording of every night we chatted on the phone.
I wished that you are here right now with me.
There are so much regrets I made.
I know you dont blame me at all.
You made me realise that age doesnt really defines a person maturity.
I missed you.
But I cant bring myself to go visit you.
I know that I will shed tears when you ask me how am I doing.
Saying I am doing fine outside, you will know its false.
Cos you know me inside out till the extent that I dont have to speak a single words, you already understand me inside out.
But telling you that I am not fine, will just going to make you worried for me.
And I confirm you will be asking me a question which I dont know how to answer you.
If you are here,
you will console me,
play with my hair and telling me that everything will be fine when you are by my side.
You will wipe away my tears when I vent all my frustrations and anger out.
But now?
I could only cry sliently and you couldnt do anything at all with a glass in between us.

Bi..
I promise you that I will be a good girl.
We will keep all our promises we made outside the court before you being sentenced.
We will work hard towards our future.
I am awaiting for you and I trust you wont be like him.
Cos I know and everyone can see what you did for me all this while.
This time round, I wont made a wrong decision again=)
I MISS YOU!

Time passes.
Today is the 17th again.
Its the 2nd month you went in.
Your letter I still havent get to receive, cos your mum says she want to read it.
I wrote letter for you lerhs.
Dont know you got receive it or not.
Chao Po says he also wrote letter to you lerhs.
You that time ask me send regards derhs,
I sent lerhs.

Hell loads of things I wanted to tell you.
When you come out I will tell you.
Timo going in soon.
All "thanks" to your brother aka Rubber- NA***.
If you are here, you confirm know how angry I am right now.
Wish you are here.
Accompany me go see doctor,
consoling me not to shed any more tears about him..
Bring me go yew keng again in Bugis.
Cheer me up by letting me vent my anger on you.
Saying Sorry to me even if you are not at fault.
Sighs..
If...

Only you will understand that behind my smile,
there are tears behind it.
No one could.
If I am really smiling geniuely,
I guess I wont be sleepless at night.
If you are here,
you will be able to chat with me till morning and we shall go eat breakfast again.
But everything starts with an "If "..
sighs..

Be a good boy and come out fast.
2 months passed..
6 months more to go.
Your monkey got alot to tell you also.
Sighs..

Your mum called me yesterday.
Asking me things which i dont know how to answer.
I kept slience and I know you told her everything.
Your uncle wrote the letter which you sent to me.
Your grandfatehr asked me to go visit you next Tuesday.
I dont know whether I could make it or not.
I have an appointment at NUH that day.

When you are not around, ChaoPo, Xiao Baby they all got accompany me.
Daddy Ah Lei also got bring me out.
Oasis sitting on that chair which you standard always sit there derhs,
I can never see you face lerhs.
Wonder how are you inside.
Timo went in also lerhs.
Dont know you will see him or not.

About Him and me,
You told me to go do whatever I want and no regrets.
He answer me telling him to give him 2weeks.
Now left 7 days.
I am petrified.
Do you feel a sense of fear too?
You told me if we together, you will still feel happy because I feel happy.
Magnanimous like what everyone say.
Shag.

Hell loads of things wanna tell you.
Dot know how to say.
When you come out, you go ask monkey.
See monkey will tell you or not.
I am off now to go Bugis to meet your damn naggy Brother- CHAOPO.
He keep call and call.
Update again.

Its been a month plus since you went in..
This one month, happened alot of things..
I broke up with him already..
Do you know that?
And like what you had expected,
I am downright depress.
Adding on my depress, you aint by my side anymore..
Sometimes I wonder..
How could you still love me, giving in to me when I rejected you again and again countless times..
You are the giver and I am the taker..
You are forever there,
whereas I am not..
I can even vent my anger onto you whenever I and him quarrel..
Tell me how can you be so tolerant towards my attitude and ways of doings.
Some people tell me that I am so heartless..
But I know you understand that I loved him so much..
Till now, I know, I made a wrong choice.
I remember I once told you this:
" I will be with you, when I and him broke up.. But I doubt this will happen one day."
I am wrong..
That day had came by, and I collapsed.. without you catching me..
I remembered you once told this:
" Wahlao.. I wonder how are you able to survive if I go in liaos.."
I always laugh at your sentence..
Because I thought I was strong enough to handle all even without you, at that point of time.
Now then I realised that, I couldnt..
Brother had passed away, Jie jie had to pei Ah Leong, Kerene and Serene got their own family, YuTing will have her sentence at court tomorrow.
Tell me who are my pillar now.
Maybe you are right,
I have to be independent.
I ponder, you are the same age as me, but how could you ever be so independent than me?
So much better than me.
Sighs.
Maybe you already predicted all these, thats why you called up all your brothers and sisters to take good care of me before you went in.
You took so much effort to do so,
and I actually oversee it.
I thought you only understand my likes and dislikes..
But it never came across you understand and predicted my inner thoughts far more than I had expected..
I remember each and every promises we made.
Even though at that point of time, you know I was just only kidding.
But I will keep to all my promises, because i know whats is right for me now.
I helped you log into your friendster's profile so many times,
but its the first time I saw your post for me right below your profile.
I read it and I cried..
But this time I cried its not because of him..
Instead, I am god damn it touched..
I wish you are here and tell me all these personally,
but I know you couldnt do so.
You told me you wrote a letter to me,
even though I didnt receive it,
I already predicted what you going to say.
And I know what I am going to reply you..
Be good inside, and keep all your promises as well.
I am fine or rather, I will be fine with Xiao Baby, Chaopo, Ah Boy they all by my side to lead me through this darkness now as you couldnt do so.
No worries.
I am hugging the monkey to sleep every night.
And I told him my feelings and whats troubling me.
And I will keep my promise to keep it white and clean till the day you come out.
=)
Misses..

Today is the 16th of July..
One month had passed,
9 more months to go on.
During this one month,
many things had happen..
I bet you know it.
Still haven receive your letter.
That postman must be eating snake..
I believe this one month,
you must be fitter,
healthier,
facial complexion getting better uhs..
*you should know why*..
Your best brother- Mr ChaoPo kept li siao siao me..
" No one for me to bully hor?"
Piangoi..
Life is quite tough outside,
and yet your brother made it much more tougher.
Many people misses you too.
X.baby, Chaopo, Leslie, Ah Zai, Amy, YiXin, Ah Di, Botak..
I bet LaoShu and Sky missed you alot too.
Be a good boy and faster come out.
Remember to fulfill each and every promises..